By Kirollos Abdalla –
Dell made the painful decision to abort because she believed she couldn’t provide the upbringing her child deserved. But she was unprepared for the years of anguish and guilt following that decision.
“I felt like my baby would be better off not coming into this world,” Dell says on a 700 Club video. “I wasn’t any good for anybody.”
Immediately after aborting her daughter in the second trimester, Dell wanted to kill herself. She even took a razor blade and began to slit her wrist.
“I went home, and I just wanted to die,” Dell says. “I couldn’t live with what I had done.”
She kept saying over and over, “I’m sorry, Baby. I’m so sorry.”
That’s when a man from church called with a prophetic message: “The Lord told me you were in trouble. The Lord told me that if you will walk in the straight and narrow and trust in him, he will restore what the locusts have eaten and give you back tenfold what Satan has taken from you.”
Eventually, Dell got her life together and married a loving man named Cary (spelling is uncertain). They’ve been married 42 years and have two sons and two daughters.
But she never escaped the regret, depression and nightmares that stem from Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS).
“I longed to see my daughter,” she says. “I thought, how could there be no tears in heaven? When I got there, and when she saw me, what would she say: ‘Why did you do that, Mommy?’ I couldn’t forgive myself.”
In an effort to find a soothing balm to her inner wound, Dell and her husband went to some revival services preached by Pastor Rodney Howard Brown. She was disappointed, not finding the help she sought to heal her emotional wounds.
As she was leaving, she collapsed in the church foyer. While her body lay prone, apparently lifeless, she had a near death experience. Dell was transported to Heaven in a vision.
She saw Jesus – and a child.
“I saw this little girl with pigtails and a little white dress, and she was skipping and dancing and twirling around the feet of Jesus,” Dell says. “She turned and looked at me. Our eyes met, and I immediately recognized her as my daughter.”
She was hopping around Jesus, full of joy and happiness.
“Just let me touch her,” Dell begged Jesus. “Just let me hold her”
Her daughter, from afar, with Jesus, talked to the Lord: ”Look, Jesus, Mommy’s laughing.”
“I know,” Jesus told the girl. “Isn’t that wonderful?”
Then Jesus spoke directly to Dell: From this day forward, no longer will you minister out of your pain. You will minister out of your joy.
Her daughter didn’t reproach her for doing the abortion.
“My daughter held no animosity towards me,” Dell sensed. “She was eager to see me. She was happy to see me joyous.”
The traumatic memories of the abortion got replaced by wonderful memories of her daughter dancing around Jesus.
“I was able to forgive myself,” she says. “By believing that my sin was too great, I was watering down the blood of Jesus. His blood is sufficient for all sin.”
If you want to know more about a personal relationship with God, go here
Kirollos Abdalla studies at the Lighthouse Christian Academy near Beverly Hills.