By Michael Ashcraft —
Ricardo Simms thought the answer to his same-sex attraction and female feelings was to go to gay parties, but the first time there he got raped.
“The heterosexual world wouldn’t accept me. I’m trying to blend in, but it’s just not working out,” says the man from Kingston, Jamaica, on his YouTube channel. “So, here’s a community that has everything for themselves. They have their own parties. They have their own days. They have everything. So, I said, maybe this is how life is supposed to be. But that’s how the devil works. The first day I go around a group of men, I was abused.”
It wasn’t the only time that he found that the world’s solutions just enlarged his problems. Ricardo transitioned to female but today is back to male and is declaring the love of Jesus around the world.
For Ricardo Simms, gender confusion started at an early age. In kindergarten, he didn’t like playing football and getting dirty with the boys. He liked playing with dolls. The teacher slapped his hand for playing with the wrong group. That’s when Ricardo realized something was wrong with him.
At a birthday party where a little boy and a little girl cut the cake, family members replaced him with another boy, causing him to question his identity for the first time.
Then an adult male friend of his mom’s approached him after school and rubbed himself against him in an inappropriate way. “A man who is supposed to be attracted to women was attracted to me,” Ricardo says on an Arianna Armour video.
He didn’t like his gender confusion and prayed to God to take it away.
In high school, Ricardo was terrified of bullies. He had a high-pitched feminine voice and feminine mannerisms that, try as he might, he couldn’t hide. “I didn’t know where this came from,” he says. He even wouldn’t ask the teacher questions in class to not trigger snickers about his voice.
Ricardo couldn’t talk sincerely with his parents about his struggles.
Then he met a gay youth who had “come out” and instead of hiding his same-sex attraction, flaunted it and proclaimed himself “proud.” The guy was vivacious and admired and introduced Ricardo to the LGBT subculture.
“I realized that there’s other people like me,” he says. “So, I went into this new world now of the LGBT lifestyle” of parties, clubs and get-togethers where he thought he would be accepted, appreciated and valued. Instead, he faced unwanted sexual advances.
“That terrified me. I’ve never dealt with that trauma,” he says. “I was abused and I couldn’t tell anyone about it,” he says. “I had to hold on to these secrets. I had to live with these people who had done me these cruel things because it was the only place I could be. I couldn’t go back to the straight world.”
Over and over, people in the gay community told him: “You look so pretty, you look like a girl.”
Soon he responded to the messaging. He started dressing as a female and acting out as a transgender.
But in Jamaica being trans was dangerous. “My close friend was murdered in my country because of who he was,” Ricardo says. “That terrified me. How he died was so heart-breaking to me.”
So, Ricardo moved to Paris, to a more “accepting” society. That’s where he took the hormones and got the surgery to fully transition into a woman.
Ricardo became Kerry Glamour, and he passed it off so well that no one could discern his biological gender. The happiness lasted for a while, but it didn’t last.
“Somehow I was still not happy, somehow I still wanted more, somehow I was not satisfied with everything,” he admits. “I did hormones, putting in my breasts, everything. It was still not enough. I wanted something else. I kept searching. Nothing could help me to fill that void.”
Things began to sour when he tried marijuana for the first time. It’s ironic he first smoked in Paris since he came from Jamaica, where weed is everywhere and virtually free. He had never wanted to use drugs but was surprised at how high he got.
“I remembered being so high to the point where I started to dance on the floor, I just felt like
a prostitute. I didn’t have any control over myself, and I was dancing like I was in a strip club,” Ricardo recounts.
“After that moment, I started to pray and I started to tell God: I’m tired. I want to be free. God, let me go. I want to be bad. I want to be evil. I want to do everything they did to me, everybody who’s hurt me, I want to be bad too.”
At the same time, he cried.
It was a frightening commitment to evil, and it unleashed a time of unparalleled torment. Ricardo began to have visions and dreams, and it was hard for him to discern what was real and what was an overlap from the spiritual realm.
A demon with his “face burnt off” confronted him: “Finally we meet in person,” the demon told him. From that moment on, he felt the desire to commit suicide.
He began to see trans people who had passed away. People gave him messages about things in his life that only he knew. He says he almost died after an altercation with some men. The worst thing was he felt totally unprotected by God, exposed to whatever catastrophe might happen.
He was devastated.
“I didn’t feel regret,” he says. “I became regret.”
That’s when he turned to God and accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior. Ricardo reversed the surgeries and hormonal treatments and became a man after 30 years of being trans.
Since he was influential in the LGBT community, Ricardo feels guilty and wants to right the wrongs by being an influence for God.
“I had influence over people in that community. This is why I am doing what I am doing right now,” Ricardo says. “Me being transparent can help people who once looked up to me. If I can do it, you too can do it.”
The LGBT crowd says you can’t be happy until your throw yourself unreservedly into your sexual “identity.” For them, Ricardo has a few words.
“I’m truly happy,” he says. “I didn’t know God gave this kind of peace so the fact that God has given me this sort of peace, I am good with it. God loves you, and it doesn’t matter if you’re trans or not. When I needed him, I called out to him, he was there for me.”
If you want to know more about a personal relationship with God, go here
About the writer: Pastor Michael Ashcraft is also a financial professional in California.