By Ryan Zepeda —
Alexis Hoffman found herself in a pool of blood. She had cut herself over 40 times.
“I was so ashamed,” she says on CBN. “What did I just do? That’s not me! Why did I do that?! That is not how I act! Why do I keep doing this? Who is this that is doing this?’”
Having shoved God aside in her freshman year in 2009, she ventured into a damaging relationship that introduced darkness into her mind and voices into her head. For her, high school meant she was high.
“My heart became calloused after the abusive relationship because I felt like I could just never get right with God. I felt like I was too far gone. Like I had messed up too much,” she remembers. “I would hear things like ‘You should kill yourself.’ And I would hear a lot of whispers.”
Meanwhile, Alexis’ parents battled through prayer for their daughter.
“When the only thing that your daughter ever gave you was joy, and then you find out that she’s on drugs, sex, you know, alcohol, it breaks your heart,” says her father, Ted.
Robin, the mother, was also anguish-stricken.
“Lord,” she prayed, “You said, and Your Word says that she is Yours and You will not let anything happen to her. And I know that Your Word is true and I believe You.”
The voices started in her senior year.
“They told me I was useless and ugly, that I was worthless and dirty. They told me to just die. And I believed them,” Alexis says. “I remember having this obsession with stabbing. I would sneak out into the kitchen and I would start taking one knife at a time and bringing it into my room.”
When Mom found the stash of knives hidden in her room, she called 911 and had her taken to ER, from where she was transferred to the psychiatric hospital. None of the treatments — including 20 different diagnoses including schizophrenia — seemed to work.
Alexis kept threatening to take her life.
“Robin and I were preparing ourselves for her to kill herself,” Ted says grimly. “And you talk about that’s tough when you have to prepare yourself.”
Alexis also manifested fits of rage and sometimes even blacked out.
“When Alexis got mad…whooo, it was not pretty. It was scary,” Robin remembers. “I had even said to my husband, ‘We should get locks on the bedroom door.”
Then Mom took Alexis to a revival service with Pastor Todd White.
“I could see her eyes going crazy. I knew that she had devils,” Pastor Todd says. “I just looked at her and said, ‘Come Out.’ And she fell to the floor screaming.”
Alexis was so tired of the torment. She really wanted God to intervene.
“God, if you’re real, then I need you to show up and I need you to show up in a big way,” Alexis prayed. “And if You don’t, I’m killing myself tonight.
“I remember my mouth just opening so wide and these screams of horror were coming out. Screams, hissing, growling.” Alexis says. “I just felt stuff come out of my body. Like I could physically feel things leave.”
At that service, Alexis rededicated her life to Christ and asked for forgiveness of her sins.
The meds, which never worked anyhow, stopped.
Today, Alexis is happily married and is free from mental illness. She works as a substitute teacher.
“If there’s one thing I can tell you, it’d be to cling to hope and that is Jesus,” Alexis says. “Keep going to Him; don’t get tired or weary of going to Him. He’s the only solution to your problems.”
If you want to know more about a personal relationship with God, go here
Ryan Zepeda studies at the Lighthouse Christian Academy in West Los Angeles, CA.