By Jordone Massey —
Earlier this year, my husband and I lost our daughter Sarah. We had a stillbirth after her umbilical cord got tied into a knot.
It was indeed the most difficult time in our lives. Like Job in the Bible, very few people were truly there for us when we needed them during our time of grief.
It was hard. Just plain hard.
I always knew the Lord planned for us to have a family of our own. But after Sarah died, I just didn’t have the strength to have more kids.
I needed time to grieve and didn’t want to take my emotional pain into another pregnancy.
A few months after our first child passed away, we got the courage to try again. We immediately got pregnant without difficulty.
We were happy, rejuvenated, and felt as if things were moving in our direction.
For the first time in months, things seemed to be going a little smoother for us.
Then, it happened. One day, while at my house, I discovered I was bleeding.
“No, no, no, this can’t be happening,” I said to myself.
I thought the storm was over. Yet, I was wrong.
Since my husband was out of town at the time, I called my friend to help me get to the emergency room.
She rushed over. When we got to the emergency room, the doctor told me he’d have to measure my HCG levels to determine what was going on.
He told me that many women bleed but go on to have full-term pregnancies and deliver healthy babies.
So, I waited for the results. As I sat waiting, I was optimistic.
Soon, my husband arrived and met me in the emergency room.
He walked toward me, prayed over my womb as he had done before, and we sat quietly. Talking a bit in between, but patiently waiting to hear from the doctor.
When he came to my side, I had faith we would hear positive news together.
I was wrong. It wasn’t good news.
The doctor reported that my HCG levels had lowered and I was suffering a miscarriage.
I immediately wept as my husband’s arms embraced me and comforted me.
“How could this be? Burying my child and then losing another pregnancy? All in one year? God, what’s going on?” These were the thoughts racing through my head.
We drove home filled with grief and disappointment.
As my husband and I stood in our bedroom, I began to weep again, falling on the bed and allowing the bedspread comforter to wipe my tears.
Yet, suddenly, in a brief moment, something inside me shifted.
I was not the same woman who had buried her daughter four months ago.
I was stronger, closer to the Lord, and better able to fight the attacks of the enemy.
God helped me change the way I respond to painful situations.
Sure, I felt emotions. I felt sadness, frustration, and of course I wanted to give up.
Yet, Sarah’s death had taught me something valuable: praise is more powerful than pain.
It was a lesson that I was about to utilize.
In the midst of my heartache and sorrow, I lifted up my arms and began to praise the Lord.
My husband echoed my praise and together we began to set a holy atmosphere in the middle of our pain.
Miscarriage is tough. Going through a stillbirth can be even tougher.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just hard on the mother, but the father, too.
Going through these events as a Christian can be even more difficult because you can allow your faith to somehow make you believe that such a horrible thing would never happen to someone God loves.
Yet, God never said difficult things wouldn’t happen to us as we journey through life with Him.
Instead, you can choose to draw closer to God and He promises to draw nearer to you during those hard moments.
Jesus didn’t die for us so that adversity would be removed from our lives. Rather, He died so we could walk with Him and have peace even in the midst of our challenges.
The only way to have peace is to be where He is.
He is present in the midst of our praises.
In fact, the Bible says that He inhabits the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3).
If you are reading this and you’ve endured the loss of a child, miscarriage, or stillbirth, I want to share with you that the only way to get through it is to praise.
The praise and worship of God provides a breakthrough, helping you overcome your emotional pain and sorrow.
When the ache returns to your heart, keep praising. Then, praise some more.
Here are some other tips that helped get me through that time:
- Everyone grieves differently — Understand that your spouse may grieve differently than you do. My husband preferred to be by himself as he grieved. I wanted to hang around people who could comfort me. Everyone is different and no grief is greater than another.
- Your allies will change — Traumatic situations reveal who is truly there for you in life. You may find yourself feeling like certain friends or church members don’t know how to be there for you. You may also find that the Lord sends you people to help you that didn’t expect. In the Bible, when Job went through his trial, many people wanted nothing to do with him and few were around him. During your difficult moments, God desires to protect your surroundings so you aren’t negatively affected by people who can’t truly support you in the way you need. Just because you call someone a friend, it doesn’t mean they know how to relate to what you are enduring. Some of the closest people to me during that time were those that knew how to just listen to me without saying much at all. Take every person that God sends for what they can offer and be patient with your circle.
- Find a faith-based therapist — Every pastor may be able to counsel, but not every pastor may know how to relate to someone going through the loss of a child, miscarriage, or stillbirth. During our ordeal, I sought faith-based counseling and now I recommend it to everyone! Pastors have the ability to counsel about both spiritual and everyday matters. However, there is something special about speaking to someone who has been professionally trained to know how to listen to you from a Christian perspective. My counselor was a major part of my healing process and I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world!
Jordone Massey is the author of I Believe in God, Now What? She hosts a blog and YouTube channel with her husband to encourage people who have endured miscarriages and stillbirths, and for those looking to build their faith in God. Check out their YouTube channel here: https://youtu.be/tu-HR5WPYTc. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter @JordoneWrites.